True Love Never Dies
by klcm
Summary: After experiencing their own heart break, Morgan and Garcia move on from one another, but loving someone doesn't make that quite as easy as it sounds
1. Attempt To Move On

Disclaimer: Once again I don't own Criminal Minds, I just steal it once in a while and give the viewers what they want... that is all =)

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

The day dawned and he straightened the sides of the tux down, he looked in the mirror as he pulled the white flower out of the box and fixed it to its place on his chest. He made sure his shoes were shiny enough; made sure the crisp white shirt didn't have a crease or wrinkle, made sure there were no faults, make sure it was still absolutely perfect.

He looked at his face and dragged his hands over it, he'd had never been the same man he used to be, he was changed and he didn't know if he liked it but he had a woman that loved him and he was going to make an honest woman of her.

He should've been happy with that.

She looked around, the hustle and bustle in the bright room and it was all aimed at her, all for her. She turned and looked in the mirror, her brunette hair flowing out in waves ready to be put up in a bun. Her makeup plied with precision, her dress flawless. Every bead, embroidery and pattern in its place and nothing less.

She allowed her hair to be completed before putting the gloves on and straightening up, taking the bouquet of white flowers she breathed in and headed to the man she loved.

She was getting the ending she wanted.

Penelope joined the gathering in the church, she took a seat at the back avoiding the people she knew and steered clear of the groom. She had lost her chance of her happy ending with Derek Morgan after a 2 year long relationship with him but she wasn't about to miss the day that would make him the happiest she ever had seen him be. She watched him walk down the aisle, her hair now a light auburn, he didn't even see her and she was thankful for that.

Even looking at him now, nearly 1 year after their break up she still loved him, he was still her best friend, they proved that by helping one another in times of needs but they'd been slipping for months now and she was thankful for that. Now today would mark the end of them and she could finally move on.

She watched the bride enter and walk down the aisle, her arm linked onto what must have been her father and she beamed, she looked at Derek and she smiled from ear to ear, Penelope's heart sunk.

She then watched Derek take her hand and the ceremony began, the priest taking over with the normal routine of a wedding and Penelope felt her heart clamp, she'd told Derek that she wasn't able to go, said it was wrong for her to watch. It was as she continued to watch that she just stood and went to flee right at the wrong time.

'If anyone here objects, speak now or...' The priest broke off as Penelope stood and the whole procession turned to stare at her, Penelope sucked in a deep breath, trying to stop the tears in her eyes.

'Penelope?' Derek called out, he hadn't seen her for nearly 6 weeks, she'd taken 2 months off work with stress or so he was lead to believe but here she was and his heart clenched tightly at the sight of her in front of him.

'I'm sorry.' She said and fled the church hall. She didn't see Derek's mom stand up and follow her out and shut the doors as she went, Penelope just continued to flee.

'So you're the girl that kept my son from me for 2 years then?' Fran asked angrily and Penelope froze then. 'Who do you think you are doing here?'

'I didn't keep him from you.' Penelope said completely taken back by the accusation. 'I tried to get him to go to you.'

'Well he never did, you broke his heart, that's the only way I got him back was after you broke his heart.'

'Broke his heart?' Penelope felt herself reaching boiling point. 'Maybe you should ask you son for the real truth of why I _broke_ his heart.'

'Why did you come here?' Fran asked a little annoyed at the woman's presence.

'I needed to see that it was truly over.'

'Well leave and realise that is, I think if I were you I'd leave Derek alone allow him to have a happy life.'

'It's okay, I will.' Penelope said and her lip quivered as she spoke the last words. 'Just tell him...'

'Tell me what?' Derek said from the top of the stairs of the church. In the time that he and Penelope had broken up this was the most amount of emotion she'd openly shown and he wanted answers.

'Derek, get back in and get married.' Fran told her son sternly.

'I can't.' Derek said and looked at Penelope. 'Tell me what?'

'It honestly doesn't matter now.'

'It does to me.'

Penelope sighed. 'I'm sorry I made us fall apart.' She told him and walked away, leaving him frozen and his mom in a complete state of confusion.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

_**A/N:**_ Get ready for some angst, that's where I want this to go! Hope you enjoy!! Lemme know what you think!! =)


	2. Two Weeks On

Disclaimer: Once again I don't own Criminal Minds, I just steal it once in a while and give the viewers what they want... that is all =)

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

It had been 2 weeks before Penelope went back to work, she was losing a bit more of herself each and every day, she couldn't believe that she made herself think that if she went to his wedding she'd just be able to walk out once the vows were done and be happy.

She wished she'd never gone now, she wished she'd never met Derek's mom, a woman she'd heard all about but had never met and that was for one reason. It was just too painful for Derek to go back to Chicago, so he broke off his ties there and blamed work for his neglect. She'd allow the woman to think of her all she needed to because from the moment she stepped into work she wouldn't acknowledge Derek as anything but an agent on the team she happened to work for.

She'd known him 4 years now, from the first day they knew there was something and they dabbled in it foolishly before starting a relationship and everything worked out really well and then it began to fall apart on them.

So she walked into work but she froze, Derek was at his desk, he shouldn't have been, he should have been on his honeymoon, or well coming off it, not stuck in work doing paper work. She looked at the box in her arms and when she looked up he was staring at her, coming towards her so she started making her way to her office.

It was midday, she'd taken the morning off to sort things out before coming back to work and she was nowhere near prepared for this.

'Penelope?' Derek's voice came from behind her and she could've cursed how it still played on her heart. 'We need to talk.'

'Really Derek, there's nothing to talk about. We've exhausted all our options.' She said pushing her door open and grabbing the box she entered her little lair, he followed her, persistent.

'Why did you come to the church?'

Penelope sighed. 'I told you mother this.'

'She didn't tell me.'

Penelope turned to looked at him, all she saw was his constant heartbreak. 'I needed to close our chapter in life, like you have, I needed to move on from us.'

'Except, neither of us have, have we?'

'You got married Derek, that's explanation enough.'

Derek held his left hand up. 'Seeing you there made me face my lies and made Clare do the same too.' He told her honestly and she looked at the bare finger. 'I couldn't marry her.'

'Maybe you should call her back.' Penelope then picked the box up. 'This is everything that you left with me, I can't keep them anymore.' He lifted the lid up, there were photo's, a hoody, socks, random things of their life together, the things he'd left her to keep and cherish. Things he knew she loved.

'You don't need to do this baby girl.' He watched her bite her lip at the name. 'Why does it have to hurt you every time I call you that?'

'Because it's not right.' Penelope said and her eyes fluttered to the doorway, she saw Hotch and Fran there, she didn't think she could feel more uncomfortable at any given moment.

'Afternoon Penelope, I hope you're doing better now.' Hotch told her as he stepped into the room.

'I am sir, thank you for giving me the time off.'

'Anytime.' He said and a small smile flashed his lips quickly disappearing. 'Morgan your mom's here.' He told Derek and went and left them to it.

'Thanks.' He looked at Penelope. 'This isn't over.'

'It is, has been for over a year now.' Penelope turned and went to her computers, bending over them she logged on and waited for the system to fully load, hoping it'd be a good hint at them to leave her be.

'I think you two need to talk.' Fran said warily from the doorway, noticing she had interrupted.

'No offence Mrs Morgan, but me and your son did all the talking we needed to do and it's obvious he did with you too, seeing as I'm the one that broke his heart.'

'I just want this straightened out.'

'Mrs Morgan, really, what's done is done that's all we can do now.' Penelope looked back as she felt herself falter. 'It's over.'

'Pen, it's not.' Derek told her.

'Derek! It's done! I killed us with my stupid self! It was my fault that I pushed you out! No one else!'

'It wasn't your fault.'

'Yes. It was!' Penelope said and Derek stood and watched all the emotions he knew she'd kept hidden resurface. 'I just wasn't strong enough for you in the end.' Derek stepped closer to her, a different closer than he had been in a long time. 'I was never the woman you thought I was.'

'You are P, you're strong, and brave and...'

'No! I'm not!' Penelope near enough screamed at him and both he and his mom flinched at her declaration to him. 'If I was we would have survived Derek! Don't you see! I destroyed what chance of happiness we had.' It was then that Hotch reappeared at the door and Penelope looked at him, her eyes ready to stream the salt tears they were building. 'Sir, I thought I was ready for this, would you mind if I came back tomorrow please?'

'Of course, whatever you need.' Penelope grabbed her things in haste. 'If by tomorrow you're still not ready, I don't mind authorising a leave of absence for you.'

'That won't be necessary.'

'Penelope, you can't leave. Baby Girl, where are you going to go?'

'I just need to think.' Penelope said and left her office, leaving the 3 people to stand there and feel helpless, Fran and Hotch looked at Derek and saw how broken and cut up he was over it all.

'What was that about?' Hotch asked. 'I thought that you might kiss and make up one day but it's yet to happen.'

'I wasn't the man she thought I was.'

'Derek.' Fran said stepping towards her son, she's read the situation so wrong, placed Penelope as the bad person in all this. 'You need to let us in to let yourself move on.'

'I need to go to her.'

'After you talk to me.' Fran said placing a hand on her son's arm. 'What happened to you two that made you fall out of love?'

'I've never fallen out of love with her that's the problem.' Derek ran his hands over his head in evident frustration. 'I need to find her.'

'Derek what the hell happened between the two of you?' Hotch asked stepping in.

'It's best if we're both there, it might help knock some sense into her.'

'And you too by the sounds of it.' Hotch muttered. 'Right where's the one place she'd be?'

'I have an idea.' He said and bolted from the room with his mom and Hotch behind him.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

_**A/N:**_ Next chapter I promise you more!!! =)


	3. Admittance

Disclaimer: Once again I don't own Criminal Minds, I just steal it once in a while and give the viewers what they want... that is all =)

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Derek didn't need to think twice, he knew where to go and the thing was it confused Hotch and Fran even more when they saw Penelope's old caddy parked in the parking lot. They remained silent and followed; they could tell Derek knew the path well because he didn't hesitate with each new step.

Derek's thoughts were on a whirlwind at that moment, he hadn't been here since he met Clare, and now he had to admit it, his relationship had been a whirlwind in itself, too fast, and too quick. He was in a hurry to settle down and move on but he realised the day Penelope fled the church that without it being with Penelope he'd never be able to move on.

He breathed a sigh of relief as he saw her, even though he'd seen the car he needed to see her to be sure and now there she was. He didn't realise she was still this cut up about it but there she stood, so he just went up and put his arm around her. Fran and Hotch looked on at them.

'He would've been 13 months old next week.' She said as she looked down at the white cross, she felt Derek's intake of air, little did she know he'd been keeping a tally on the date. 'Everything would've been okay if he'd been healthy.'

'There are other opportunities.'

'But we had ours Derek.' She told him and he hated that it was always first names with her, no nicknames. 'If I'd handled it better then this wouldn't have stopped us, we would've become stronger from it.' She wiped her face angrily getting rid of the shed tears; she looked up at him and saw the tears on his face. 'Go find Clare, just forget about me, about this ever happening.' She then kept her head down and walked away.

'He was my baby too Pen!' He shouted out, Hotch and Fran were completely shell shocked in that moment, Fran near tears that she'd been kept out of this family loss. 'So it's not so simple to just move on.'

Penelope stopped in her tracks and listened to him, something she'd forgotten how to do in the aftermath. 'I was there remember? I might not have gone through what you did, all the changes, the procedures, the tests but I was there watching it all! I was the helpless guy on the side! The one that tried to be your support system but I couldn't be in the end and I failed you there.' Derek drew in a shaky breath. 'You shut me out completely after that day, I tried my hardest to help you and I know you tried to be strong and let me help you but it was just too big for us to cope with. So we didn't cope.'

'You've got nothing to blame yourself for.' Penelope said and he ran to her in that instance because he knew she was breaking down and he was going to break her walls down, he just wrapped his arms around her, keeping her close as she began to sob harder. 'You were everything I needed.'

'Hey it's okay, you don't need to cry over this baby, you need to move on.' Penelope cried harder and pulled away. 'Pen, don't push me away anymore.'

'It's all I know to do.' She said and sniffed. 'I'm sorry, for everything, for putting you through all of that.' Derek felt his heart shatter, she was still in denial it'd been nearing a year and a half since they'd lost their child and she hadn't even begun to move on. 'I wish, for once in my life, I'd never met you.' She turned and left, she heard Derek call her name but she really couldn't help but feel that if she hadn't been caught when she had she wouldn't have had his love to lose it. She didn't make it far, once she was in her car she just fell into uncontrollable crying. Since Derek announced his engagement she felt it pick away at her, for all the time she had thought she had moved on from what they had had come and hit her right back into reality. Derek Morgan was something she was never going to get over.

'Derek, why didn't you tell me?' Fran asked quietly a moment after Penelope was entirely gone.

'And hurt you too?' Derek said turning to his mom. 'Pen didn't keep me away from you, I kept me away from you because I didn't want to want my old life back, I wanted to keep life here simple but then Pen got pregnant and I was going to bring her to you, show you that was making something of my life.'

'Baby, how did she lose the baby?'

Derek rub the ball of his hand into his eye. 'She had to have an abortion.'

'An Abortion?' Fran said aghast, she didn't know whether to be saddened or angered by that comment.

'When Pen had her 4 month scan the doctor found something wrong with the baby.' Derek looked at his mom dead in the eyes, all Fran saw was tears. 'If we continued on with the pregnancy the baby would've been born not only severely disabled but would've had no quality of life and after long discussions we decided that it wasn't fair to inflict any suffering on a child, especially not our own.'

'Oh baby.'

'Pen had to have a late abortion and she didn't cope with it, it made her ill but as she got better she basically lost a bit more of herself as the realisation dawned. I couldn't get through to her however much I tried I just couldn't and in turn it made us argue more and more until I moved out.'

'Derek you really know you need to sort this out.' Hotch said somewhat sadly, he didn't know their heartbreak would run that deep. 'You've obviously not moved on and it's clear that however much Penelope plasters on the happy act she's just living with the throes of life.'

'You've seen her she just wants me to move on and forget her but to be honest I can't do that.' Derek told them. Every time he looked at Penelope he yearned to be living everyday with her, to be able to love her the right way. He wanted nothing more than to make Penelope realise that he still loved her, that it hadn't changed that if anything them dealing with the lose just made his heart grow more attached to her and only her.

'Derek you need to try.'

He nodded slowly at first and then he nodded harder, as though the recognition had registered. 'You're right.' He said and smiled genuinely in God knew how long. 'I'm going to get her back.' It was then that Derek broke into a run and ran towards the car park.

Hotch watched as Derek ran off, he'd never been this shocked in his entire career, he respected their wish to keep it a secret, even admire that they'd been able to have a relationship of some kind at the end of it. There was still some camaraderie between the pair even if it wasn't as enormous as it once had been. He looked at the cross and his thoughts went to Haley and Jack, he knew that at 4 months you could find the sex of the baby, he lowered his head for a moment.

Fran approached the white cross in the Graveyard for the lost children. _Baby Morgan, 13__th__ April 2008. _Fran kissed her hand and placed it on the small cross, for her lost Grandchild, one that after just a year she'd only just found out about.

Now she saw Penelope in a new light, she empathised with the woman she hardly knew, felt a want to know her, felt a pull to her and by all means the urge to get both Penelope and Derek to face up and take on what they were neglecting; one another.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

_**A/N:**_ So there you have it, their heartbreak! =(

Congrats to _pretenderfan__, _the clever sausage guessed it right!! =)


	4. More Truths

Disclaimer: Once again I don't own Criminal Minds, I just steal it once in a while and give the viewers what they want... that is all =)

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Derek ripped the car door open not leaving Penelope the opportunity to fight back or resist him, she wanted him and the feel of him hugging her and she got it.

'I'm not going back to Clare Baby Girl.' He confessed to her, and Penelope just clung onto him tightly, not that he minded, he loved having her secured in his arms and he would keep her there as long as he could. 'I need you to know one thing.'

'If you're going to say what I think you are then don't Derek. Please.'

'How can you just tell me that P?' He asked broken as he pulled away. 'I've never stopped loving you and if you'd stopped loving me you would've moved on and been at peace with this.'

Penelope pulled away and paced then hands on her head. 'I've not functioned well really.' She stated the obvious for him there. 'I thought that it was you holding me back but as I watched you move on and get with Clare I realised that I needed you to help me move on and then you said you got engaged to her and I felt the dark take over and I didn't know what to do.'

Derek and Penelope were so caught up they didn't realise Fran and Hotch at the gate for the grave yard. 'Pen... I'm sorry.'

'I should've been the one marrying you! I still have the engagement ring to prove it! I should've been strong enough to survive that because I had a man who loved me but what did I do? I made up problems that weren't there, I made my life worthless and I did it all because I was selfish.

So why the hell would you still love me Derek? Why? Because right now I'd do anything to not be me, to have not felt it be the right thing to come to that church, to not be the woman that has done nothing but love you from the day we met!'

'If I'd been a stronger man I would've stuck by you, I would've stuck in there through thick and thin and just done everything in my entire power to get you help but I left when you gave me the way out, when I thought you'd worn me down.'

Penelope flashed a look at him, a new light, a new sight that she'd been missing. 'This is the first time we've spoken about this Derek since you left that night.'

'I know it is Princess.' Derek said closing the gap between them. 'Now I think we need to keep talking this out. Establish everything we need to, get it all out in the open, I need to know now what you've been doing with yourself.' She shot him a look. 'Properly know Pen, we've helped one another but not to the fullest extent that we could've so now I'm doing what I was a fool to not do.'

He watched her walk to her car door again and bend in to grab her purse, she pulled something out and threw it at him. 'That's the best way I can tell you I've been doing Derek.' She said as he looked over the prescription pot, he frowned she'd been on anti depressants for months. He looked up at her, she wasn't near tears anymore, she had a new strength to her, a look that didn't show she was carrying a weight on her shoulders. 'To go with that is the sedatives I've got at home for when I'm just too wired to get sleep.'

'Why didn't you let me in, just reach out to me for help?'

'Because how is it that easy when you were making progress? It became my problem not long ago Derek, you had other priorities.'

'Like a stupid relationship.'

'Well it made you happy, so it wasn't stupid. I'm just sorry I ruined that for you.'

'But you didn't, Clare was waiting for me after you'd left the church, she couldn't marry me until I'd put what me and you had to rest, thing is, I never can, not when you earned the rights to my heart from the first smile you gave me. No one else can have it because of you baby girl.' He saw someone ignite in Penelope's eyes. 'Just look me in the eyes and tell me if I'm lying?'

Penelope searched his lie for a loop hole, for the lie, for the deceit but even she couldn't pass off the honesty in them. 'You know I know when you're lying.'

'And am I?'

'No.' Penelope said and looked down, for a split second she had doubted him, just hoping to see something that would release them from one another. 'You know, I think you stole my heart from the word Gomez...' She paused and breathed. 'Handsome.' She said and breathed like she'd been holding it in. 'Oh God.' She said and turned and put her head to the roof of her car.

'Baby? What is it?'

'I had to do it.' She said and felt his hand run up his back. 'I had to call you a nickname.'

'Wanna know why you did it?' Penelope stood up and spun around, her body trapped between her car and Derek's body, a feeling she didn't realise she'd missed so much. 'You did it because deep down in that big ole heart of yours you've never once hated me or stopped loving me.' Penelope bit her lip. 'Go on, lie to me.'

Penelope closed her eyes and then looked at him. 'Never have I stopped loving you and you did nothing to make me hate you. It took me a while to realise you weren't the bad guy and once I pulled myself together, or somewhat together, I realised I was too late. I'd screwed up my life with the only man that made me happy.'

'You haven't screwed up on that life, because the man in question is still after his second chance with the woman he loves.' He saw the doubt. 'We'll take it slow, rebuild what we lost but come on Pen, we've lost so much in such a little time. Let's not waste anymore.'

Penelope looked into the graveyard again, through the tree's she could just begin to see the sea of small white crosses. 'That's out child in there.' She whispered, and Derek put his hands on her face and made her look at him and only him. 'Our son, the little boy that would've looked just like you and would've been perfect and...'

'The little boy that we'll forever love and miss but the little boy that should be the reminder of what we have Baby, he should be the answer to all our problems. If for anyone we need to make a happy place to create the life we would've given him.'

'Derek...'

'We just need a chance to do that, to work on getting you to move on, to work on us moving on, to help us both, we need the chance to recover what we've both had a hand in breaking.' He saw something in her flicker, a bit more of her coming to life. 'Come on baby, we need this, we need each other, you know we do and you know that that's the only way we're ever going to succeed in life, and that's the only way we're gonna be able to survive.'

Penelope nodded. 'I've always needed you to survive.' She told him and the kiss that Derek planted on her forehead told her she'd just said the exact thing Derek was after.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-


	5. Talking More

Disclaimer: Once again I don't own Criminal Minds, I just steal it once in a while and give the viewers what they want... that is all =)

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Penelope found herself in a bland apartment later that day, she was sat at the island in the kitchen her head in her hands a steaming cup of coffee sitting directly below her gaze. Hotch had made Derek drive his mom while he drove Penelope to Derek's, they needed an out session and they needed to make a plan of where to go next. how to deal with it all.

Derek stood and watched her from where he was standing; cup in hand, thoughts on her. He looked at the differences to her, only now seeing it all. He couldn't believe her blonde locks were gone, not that she didn't suit it red but red gave her a certain power, made him want her more. He put the mug down and went and leant on the opposite side. With Hotch and Fran out for the moment he managed to get her on his own.

'Gonna drink that?' He asked her and she looked up at him and smiled weakly.

'Sorry I got a bit of headache coming on.' She admitted to him, she'd cried too much lately and now it was catching her up, now she was at her most vulnerable. She sat back and breathed out before picking the mug up and took a long sip of it. She smiled as the taste hit her taste buds. 'No one makes coffee like you.' She reminisced happily.

Since their break up, their friendship had been strictly within work hours, there was minimal if nonexistent flirting, occasional reassuring texts, support on the phone during cases, no detox chats late at night. It was all bland, something that had never been part of them but they were so caught up in their sadness and loss that after the initial break up settled in they neglected to see the other properly. Derek had missed Penelope's off behaviour and lack of major interaction; he'd missed her cover ups and facades. Penelope had missed Derek's prolonged silences, missed how into a case he had become, how wired he kept himself; she'd missed the change in his face, the worn out look he carried, his heavy shoulders.

'We really fell apart eh?' Derek said as he twisted the cup around, he then looked up and all he saw was Penelope's hazel eyes staring right at him. 'But maybe this is God's grand design for us.'

'Make up to break up?' She asked rhetorically and smiled. 'I'm glad you got your faith back handsome.' She blushed then; it was getting easier to talk to him with every passing moment.

Derek smiled more as he heard her voice speak with ease. 'It started to grow after we lost him.' It was as that statement slipped that Fran came into the room and saw the pair of them.

'Sorry.' She said apologetically. 'Want me and Aaron to go out again? Let you finish off.'

'No it's okay Mrs Morgan really.' Penelope said sitting up straight, she then moved some curls. 'I guess now's the time to hand this back.' She said and took the necklace off. When she put it out Derek was just staring at her in complete awe. 'You gonna take it back?'

'No way.' He said shaking out of the state he was in. 'I left it with you because I hoped the day would come that I could follow through on its significance.'

'Derek, really, I'd had no right keeping it.'

'Penelope.' Fran spoke from behind her and Penelope turned to look at her. 'Put the ring back on, I'm sorry for everything I said at the church that day, and my attitude towards you was uncalled for and appalling and only now I see why my son changed when he came back to Chicago.' She saw Penelope's look. 'He can't live without you; literally, he needs you for survival without you he doesn't get a whole load of happiness.'

Penelope looked at Derek who nodded. 'She's speaking the truth there baby girl.'

'Oh.' Was all Penelope managed to speak.

'Baby, the day I met you something connected in me, I gained faith back into a lot of things that I thought I'd lost a long time ago.' He admitted and Penelope stared at him. 'Just give us another chance to make our wrongs right.'

'On one condition.' Penelope said and put the ring down.

'On two.' Derek corrected and Penelope nodded.

'On two conditions.' She corrected herself and took a deep breath. 'Mine is that we tell your mom and Hotch everything, right now. It's time they knew.'

'Deal and mine is that you put that necklace back on until we're ready to move it to its rightful place.' He watched Penelope drew in a ragged breath but she looked at him. 'Do we have a deal?'

She reached for the ring. 'Deal.' She said and Derek smiled and took the ring off her, she moved her hair and he fixed it into place before placing a delicate kiss to her cheek.

He felt her shake slightly as he pulled away. 'You've got nothing to worry about Baby, we're talk it out and if you wanna stop at all just call it and we will, just say the word.'

Penelope nodded and smiled. 'It's just I haven't had to do this.'

'I realise that but this is gonna do us the world of good, lay everything bare, share it and get extra support.'

'You're right.' She told him and smiled, she turned and jumped down from the stall she was on, Derek led her to the couch and sat with her, Fran and Hotch wordlessly took an armchair each and watched the pair. 'Where do we start?'

Fran leant forward. 'How about we start from the beginning?'

Penelope looked at Derek, he smiled and swiftly slipped his hand into hers giving it a squeeze before he started talking.

'Well it started at work...'

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-


	6. Looking At The Past

Disclaimer: Once again I don't own Criminal Minds, I just steal it once in a while and give the viewers what they want... that is all =)

A/N: This is a flashback!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

'Excuse me, Gomez...' Derek Morgan called out, he'd just asked Reid what the new tech's name was and having been given the answer he'd turned and asked confidently to get her attention, except she put a pen in her mouth and continued to the door. He frowned, Reid wasn't all that sure of her name and he needed the tech. 'Hey Baby Girl.' He called out and he saw her freeze.

Penelope Garcia looked over her shoulder, she knew she was the only woman currently in the bull pen, and as she turned the most handsome man she'd seen was standing in front of her, a sight to behold. 'Baby Girl?'

'Forgive me; I just didn't know the real...' He began to apologise.

'I've been called worse.' Penelope replied with a sweet smile and took a step closer to him. 'What can I do for you?' She asked him and he told her what they needed, and then allowed her to go do her work, meeting her again quickly for her to pass on the information.

From that day something sparked, they dabbled in conversation the short and the long type, making endless innuendos at one another, flirting like it was their native tongue. The team put up with it, waiting for it to fizzle out but it didn't do that it just grew and intensified.

'Hey Hot Stuff.' Derek said as he stood in the doorway of her office.

Penelope spun around on her chair, it was a year to the date they'd met, she sat and twiddled a pen in her fingers, a smile on her lips. 'Why hello there my burning love hunk.' She said and smirked.

Derek laughed gently. 'Why baby girl you look ever so gorgeous today.'

'And you look ever so chivalrous.'

He leant against her desk and she watched him. 'What can I do you for kind Sir?'

'Well m'lady, I was wondering if you'd care to go on a date with me.'

'With _the_ Derek Morgan? Why if I was standing right now you'd have had to have caught me.'

'What do you say to it baby girl? You, me, a candlelit dinner?'

'How can a girl say no?'

'Simple she can't.' Derek said and leant down towards her. 'It's been a year since we met one another too, and I'm sick and tired of us being separates, I don't know about you but I have this burning urge to get in your knickers and stay there.'

Penelope blushed at that. 'Well my knickers are all yours Handsome.' She said with a heated grin, a seductive glint to her eyes. 'How about you pick me up at say 8 and we go have that dinner before any joining me in my knickers occurs?'

'Better not keep that an empty promise beautiful.'

'We'll just see what the heat of the moment does to us won't we my chocolate Adonis.' He left that office with a larger smile than he thought was possible, the smile that continued to grow well after the date as he and Penelope began a relationship. A strong and level relationship, one that he felt like he belonged and it must have shown because women didn't through themselves at him anymore and he liked it.

Even after another year of having Penelope in his life he still loved her more with each and every passing day, he missed when cases meant he woke up to see Reid in the bed opposite in a hotel and he hated going to sleep with only wishing her a goodnight over the phone. So when the two years came of them knowing one another and the year of their anniversary he took her out, wined and dined her, spoilt her, treated her to everything he could and then by the end of the night when they were ready to collapse into bed he dropped down on one knee and asked her to marry him like it was the easiest thing for him to do because in a way it was. He had no qualms that she didn't love him and her immediate reply told him he had nothing to worry about and the feeling continued.

Penelope squealed with excitement as they told the team and the celebratory drinks later continued the excitement if not made it ten times worse. Immediate plans were set into motion and they decided an early summer wedding was best for the best weather, that did however mean that Derek would have to wait just under a year to make Penelope his wife but he'd wait because at the end of it she would've been a Morgan.

About 4 months into their engagement though he watched Penelope get tired easily and certain smells made her run for the nearest loo. He'd spent another morning with her in the bathroom before she put her theory across.

'We need to get some pregnancy tests in handsome.' She said as she sat against the wall. 'I'll be over this in a moment but could be morning sickness.' Derek could stop his heart from leaping and Penelope watched the smile grow as the nausea escaped her body. 'See, better now.'

'Let's go get a test baby girl and get this sorted.' He said helping her stayed up. 'Then we're getting a doctor's appointment and now arguments.'

'Oh mama knows not to argue with dominance acts.'

'Come on silly girl.' He said and she giggled as he hit her arse. They got to the store and Derek just loaded the basket with tests, all different types, Penelope had no room to argue that they didn't need that many but he didn't care. When they got home she read the instructions before starting to test.

Sitting in the kitchen, one another opposite each other, they waited for the tests to one by one to show the results. 'I'm not sure I'm gonna be able to wee for a while after this.' Penelope joked and Derek walked to her, wrapped his arms around her and kissed her until the timer for the first went off. Positive after positive showed up with a few negatives in there, they were cloud 9. Getting a doctor's appointment as soon as possible just confirmed all the white sticks and told them that Penelope was 2 months along.

The connection between the pair only went from strength to strength as the days turned into weeks and the third month was up then the 4th came by and everything changed. They went into the doctor's clinic happy and flirty but left despondent and at a loss. A strain already pulling between them as the weight of the world weighed down on the pair of them.

The doctor had initially asked if they wanted to know the sex, after consenting it told them that they were expecting a boy but then the doctor's mood changed and he found a problem. Penelope began to panic and Derek tried to calm her as the doctor explained that their unborn child was showing signs of severe physically disability.

'We can't bring a child that's handicapped into the world.' Penelope fretted that night, the next day she had to go back and have tests done before their options were finalised. 'It's not fair.'

'I get it baby I really do.' Derek said as he paced the living room, they hadn't told anyone she was pregnant, she wanted to wait until her 4th month to tell them. 'We're not going to have the time to care for them efficiently.'

'Handsome, we see too much at work to know what the workings of suffering, and I can't help but see that that's what we're going to do with this child. I mean if it was down syndrome fair enough I could cope but this, this is going to be so much worse and I don't think I could bare to do it.' It was as that sentence was said that Derek agreed, it was then the decision was made.

Painfully after the tests were done Penelope and Derek told the doctor their plan of actions and Penelope went through with an abortion. When Derek took her home she was quiet and ill and he just wanted to wrap his arms around her and take away the pains but he couldn't and each new day proved it.

'Just leave me alone Derek.' Penelope said as she left the dinner table and her dinner, she'd hardly eaten and it'd been a month since she'd had the abortion. He ran his hands over his head in frustration.

'I just need you to eat Pen!'

'And I just don't want to eat.' She said and looked out of the window, her hands on her stomach, she still missed the fact that it was smaller and back to normal now and not growing. 'So you going out again tonight?' Penelope almost accused him, he barely stayed in lately.

'I don't know.'

'Why don't you? I'm sure there's some hot leggy brunette waiting for you.'

'Don't do this again.'

'Why not? You near enough threw yourself at that one at the bar the other night.'

'No I didn't!' He yelled at her, he was now at his wits end with her yelling and drawing up problems that weren't there. 'You need to get it into your head that I'm not seeing anyone other than you.'

'Well after that night Derek I really do doubt it. You don't see me pouring myself over some bloke but hey maybe I should and get some fun out of it.'

'Don't you dare.' Derek said and he snapped then. 'You know what. I thought that us both losing that baby would help us get closer, you know make us gain some prospective. There's other chances for us Pen! Some people don't even get that.'

'What if I don't want another chance?'

'Then you're doing an injustice to prove that losing our son would make us better parents.' Derek said and stepped closer to her, she wouldn't look at him. 'I didn't think you'd change so much but you're argumentative, stressed out, short tempered, you're a complete alien.'

'Well you didn't think I'd go through that and just be me with my rose coloured spectacles did you? You know what? It's obvious you don't like the new me so why don't we just end this?' Derek didn't get a chance to answer; he was out of the door with his keys and wallet, that was answer enough for her.

That was the last time Penelope spent time in that house with Derek that wasn't spent packing and separating their lives from one another.

That was the end of them.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-


	7. Hating To Be Alone

Disclaimer: Once again I don't own Criminal Minds, I just steal it once in a while and give the viewers what they want... that is all =)

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Penelope was shaking as they closed off at him leaving that night, she'd had nightmares over that argument, had it replay in her dreams at her, torturing her at how selfish and unreasonable she'd been to him. And it made her hate herself more and more.

'Erm... I'm going to go home.' Penelope said and she just ran from the house, leaving Ester she just found herself walking and walking, then the rain came and she just continued to walk the block.

'Pen!' Derek called out from behind her and the tone of his voice, the concern, the worry, it was all the tone she recognised, tones that had been there for her to draw her out of depression, tones she'd chosen to ignore. 'Hey baby girl, come on, let's get you back.'

'I'm sorry Derek; I can't do this to you.' Penelope said blinking fast to keep the rain from getting in her eyes, her hair dripping wet, her clothes clinging to her. 'I was cruel and I neglected you when we were both going through that. I wasn't fair to you.'

'But that's where we learn baby.' Derek said putting him hands on her shoulders. 'Hind sights a wonderful thing and we can learn off ours. The chances of that happening again are so slim; the doctor even said that, you can't be scared of it.'

'But I am, I'm scared of what kids we might have.'

'Well it's time you're not scared baby.' He looked at her in the eyes and she just stared at him. 'We've wasted too much here, we need to release everything that we never did but first I need to get you home and into dry clothes.' Penelope nodded and he put his arm around her as they covered their tracks and went back to Derek's.

'You know loving you was the scariest thing I could keep doing.' Derek remained silent as they walked back. 'But that night you left I felt like I'd just pulled my own heart out and trampled on it, I got so far in my head that I didn't want to acknowledge much more than I had to. I just needed to function enough to make it through the day.'

'When did you get the tablets?'

'About the time you met Clare, selfish as it might be I just couldn't get my head around it, it was my way with dealing with it and it works, they calm me.'

'You need them now?'

'Yes and no. They might stop my shakes but apart from that just...' She didn't finish her sentence, she just let the sentence stop.

'What?'

'It doesn't matter.'

'It does, come on you can tell me.'

Penelope stopped and turned from him. 'Today is the first time that I've spoken to you without meaning it professionally, without it being between the hours of 9 to 5, it's the first time I've been able to confide in you and feel like I'm making some lee way with dealing with this.'

'Well keep talking to me baby because we're going to get you better and we're gonna get us over this but I want to get you home and dry.'

'I have no clothes at yours.'

'No but I know how you used to love wearing my sweats and t shirts.' He watched her smile impishly and blush in the drizzle that feel down. 'See your favourites haven't changed.'

'It's hard to when they're like a girl's best friend.' She said and let him take her back completely now, it was as they stood on the porch ready to go in that she looked at him. 'Thank you for everything you've done for me Derek, especially after me ruining your life essentially twice in a month.'

'You didn't ruin anything, in truth you probably saved me from the biggest mistake of my life and a lot of money when I finally realised that I'd made it.' He pushed the door opened and pulled her in. 'Shower, clothes, food.'

'Yes Sir.'

'Go on up silly girl and I'll bring you a towel and clothes.'

'Thank you hot stuff.' She told him and headed upstairs completely unaware that Derek was watching her every step until she disappeared at the top completely.

'Got her back then?'

'I did, she was a little resilient to it at first but she realised that walking in the rain was not a good idea.'

'Well it's good you got her in its turning pretty bad out there.'

Derek walked to the window and looked out at the rain fall; it was like it was washing away all their discrepancies from their past and creating a clean slate. He smiled slightly at the prospect that at the end of this he'd have Penelope back.

'Right I'm gonna go get her wet clothes and put them in the wash, get them cleaned and dried.'

'Just throw them down and I'll put them in.' Fran said with a reassuring smile.

'And I'll get some food in, I'm gonna guess you're gonna make her eat?' Hotch asked him.

'I am yeah.' Derek then looked at her purse and took the pills out. 'I don't know if she's gonna need these or not.'

'Take them with you and let her decide, that's your best bet.' Hotch said supportively, if anything Hotch was going on the love he had for Haley, he was using it to help Derek at this moment. 'Go on Derek, go get changed before you get ill.'

'I'm on it.' Derek said and sprinted out of the room; Hotch looked at Fran and smiled.

'Thank you for being here for my son and for Penelope.'

'It's okay, we need all the family we can get in this job, it makes the place a whole nicer place to live.'

'I can tell.' Fran said and smiled. 'Should we call Penelope's family? Surely they should know.'

'Penelope doesn't have any family.' Hotch told Fran as he got the take out menus out and looked up into her sad eyes. 'Her parents died when she was 18 and she left her brother's behind, she hasn't called them since and I don't think she willingly will. She sees it like she's left it too long, that there's no point.'

'Well if she's getting engaged to my son I'm going to make sure they're going to make it to the wedding.' Hotch laughed as Fran got on with tidying up what little mess there was.

Derek had gotten changed and was sat on his bed waiting for Penelope, she came out in his clothes, a sight he'd missed, a towel in her hands drying her hair the best she could. She looked at him, she looked exactly how she used to around him when they were at home, relaxed, comfortable and completely without any makeup on and she didn't care.

'You look good.'

She laughed. 'It feels good. Someone else's clothes always did feel better.'

'Hence why you used to wear my socks to bed.'

'Exactly that reason handsome.' She said with a smile. 'You really don't know how grateful I am to you.'

'You'd have done the same for me, I'm just glad your hard headedness didn't get in the way.' He climbed off the bed and went towards the door. 'Now dinner just arrived and we're getting some food in you.'

She nodded and he began to leave the room. 'Derek?' She called from her spot in his room.

'Yeah baby?'

'Can we give him a name?' Derek came back into the room. 'I think that'd help, he isn't baby Morgan, he was our son, we found that out before we found out what was wrong with him. He deserves a name.'

Derek went and wrapped his arms around her, capturing her from her vulnerable pose. 'Of course we can, I like that idea, I like it a lot.' He said and kissed her forehead before taking her downstairs. 'Tell me what names you think of.'

'I like James.' Derek looked at her at the bottom of the stairs. 'I liked to think your dad's looking after him, doing what we didn't get a chance to, so I want our son to have his name.'

Derek didn't realise a tear was running down his cheek until Penelope wiped it away. 'That's a really nice name P, thank you so much.' He said and then just like that he kissed her lips and then pulled her to get food.

Hours later he got her up off the sofa and took her to his bedroom to get her settled for the night and get sheets for him and Hotch. Hotch couldn't leave and nor could Penelope due to the weather so they were all stuck in the house. Fran had the spare room and Derek had given up his bed for Penelope after much resistance.

Sitting on the bed in just her panties and t-shirt she looked at him as he got sheets out of the closest, her legs pulled up to his chest. 'Derek?'

'Mmm.' He said from inside the closest, he pulled out and looked at her. 'What's up?'

'This might be really hasty but can you stay with me tonight?'

'Pen...'

'I'm just so sick and tired of being alone.'

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-


	8. Beating It Out

Disclaimer: Once again I don't own Criminal Minds, I just steal it once in a while and give the viewers what they want... that is all =)

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Since that night Derek had either been in the same bed if not same building as Penelope, he was willing to show her he meant every word he spoke. He's mom was due back in Chicago so Penelope had only really spent one night out of the past 5 away from Derek's place and been at her apartment.

Now he had her alone for the lunch he was going to make her do something that was bound to force her into the learning curve, make her let everything out, every inch of her soul was going to be laid bare like she'd once been able to do with him.

'What are we doing here?' She asked him, she knew this place, he had it to do work out, it was nice here, she liked the view from the back, occasionally while Derek worked out she'd bring her own work here to do or do a workout. She knew what this place consisted off.

'We're gonna get your blood pumping.'

'I'm not in the mood for a workout today Hot Stuff.'

'No work out of that type but it's gonna help.' She looked at him as he unlocked the door and pushed the door opened. 'Trust me.' It was as he said that that she entered the building, he followed smiling, she just proved she trusted him.

She stood in the large room looking timid by a place she hadn't been to in years, he watched her look around like it was her first time here and then he just stood and saw as she stopped at the big window that over looked the piece of green at the back. Silently her hand went to the glass and she just remained there looking out.

Derek hadn't seen that sight for years but it was identical to how it was, the only difference was that Penelope's hair was no longer golden curls but red curls and her head no longer sat up high.

He went over to her and put his arm around he shoulder, her attention didn't move from the view in front of him and after looking down at her once he looked up at it and shared the moment with her. 'You ready for this?'

'Born ready.' She said confidently and he smiled and led her into a smaller room. 'But not for this.'

'Na uh baby, I can promise you that this will help.' He said as he walked around a person like punch bag and put his arms on the shoulder. 'This man here is Sid, remember him? If not Pen this is Sid, Sid this is Pen.' Penelope couldn't help but laugh at him, she then stepped closer. 'This man has helped me with a lot aggression. I came and used like really beat into him when we broke up and I hope he has the same effect on you too.'

'Well how do we do this?' She asked with mock confidence.

'Simple...' He said and introduced her to the rules of the game he liked to play. She nodded warily but he gave her boxing gloves and she prepared, Derek stepped beside her after showing her how to do it and then he let her take over. 'Do whatever comes natural to you.'

He watched her start off with throwing weak punches but he taunted her about things, not menacingly but inspirationally and they were working and soon her punches got more accurate and harder and her breathing picked up as the truths began to pour out.

'I envied you.' She told him mid hit.

'Why's that?'

'For having the guts to move on when I didn't.' Derek remained silently. 'I resented you, almost hated you, for moving on with life, for getting someone new, for forgetting about me so easily.' She said as her punches gained in power and Derek stood with his arms folded. 'I couldn't understand how you could just get with someone and want to marry them and just act like nothing happened between us.

I hate myself for everything, it was my fought you were able to do that, all my fought that you could just walked away because I planted the seed that made you. I don't regret saying that I wished I had never met you because if I hadn't then we wouldn't be here, and we wouldn't have lost so much. I blame myself for getting pregnant, I mean I was carrying that baby and it was ill and I feel like it was my fought at the end of the day.

I guess that I proved my feelings right that we were never meant for one another, that all those other women were better than me as your other half. I mean look at Claire and then look at me. She's absolutely beautiful, tall, elegant, gorgeous then there's me, I'm not as tall and fat and I'm not where near as gorgeous as them.' He watched the tears run down her face and as much as he wanted to jump in and wrap his arms around her he knew he couldn't stop this now, she had to do that.

'I look at woman that are pregnant, the ones that have babies and children because I look at them and imagine what life would be like if we'd just been given the opportunity to spend even a day with him. Just to hear him cry.' Her punches became fewer and weaker as her break down continued. 'I wanted to see how good a dad you really would be and I just wanted to hold him in my arms and cuddle him...' She threw a punch and sucked in a deep breath. 'I wished you taken the ring and taken everything with it Derek and now I wished you'd never made me do this.' She said as she collapsed again the punch bag and Derek ran in and grabbed her, pulling her up and into his arms for support.

'It's okay, you needed this, you got everything out princess.' He said as he hugged her. 'I never moved on I just covered up that I did, I couldn't see a loop hole to you so I had to do what I had to and that meant forcing myself away from you and now looking at it I was just too fast for it all to happen.'

Penelope hit his chest with her fist. 'I can't hate you.' She whispered tearfully, her tears soaking into Derek's t-shirt. 'I never could, I just thought I did to make it simpler to pass the blame but no one's to blame.'

'That's right baby.'

'Why did it have to be so hard to stop loving you?' Penelope confessed and pulled away slightly.

'Because you were never meant to stop.' He said and pushed her against the wall and kissed her, she responded immediately, relaxing fully as she returned fully. The kiss started hard, started passionate, started with power and continued to grow with intensity, nothing about it weak or undesired. The love flowing with each movement of the kiss, the closer they tried to get one another grew and they seized with anticipation as they pulled away and searched each other for the wrong doing, but both smiled heatedly at the other. They'd both released the next chapter in their life.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

_**A.N:**_ Later than I wanted it to be! BUT party animal took precedence =)

Enjoy!!!


	9. Telling All

Disclaimer: Once again I don't own Criminal Minds, I just steal it once in a while and give the viewers what they want... that is all =)

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

JJ, Reid, Rossi and Emily didn't quite know what to make of the gathering in Derek's house. They'd all received a phone call asking if they could make it, and they had and now they were eager to know what had brought them together.

They looked over Penelope and Derek and they saw something different. Emily and JJ immediately could see that Penelope had been crying and from the redness and puffiness they could tell she'd done a lot of it. With that they saw the way the pair were, a certain closeness, a different bond and fusion breathing from them. That made them all the more quizzical because at the end of the day it didn't take a profiler to guess what the change were.

'Erm...' Penelope said, her voice crackled slightly and she coughed. 'You lot have been great since me and Derek broke up and we were never fully truthful with the reason why we split.' Penelope felt her hands shake again, she hadn't touched her anti depressants all day, she'd done good but now everything was settling in. Derek took one of her hands when he saw her shake, he needed her to know that not one of the people in the room was there to judge her but understand.

'We didn't just fall out of love, it was quite the opposite but we only realised when it was too late.' Derek said and looked at Penelope.

'I-I...' Penelope tripped over her words before Derek squeezed her hand reassuringly. 'I got pregnant.' That elicited a gasp from them all. 'We were going to tell you after the 4 month scan but there was a problem with the baby and I had to have...' She stopped and drew in a shaky breath and looked down. 'I had to have an abortion.'

'Had to?' JJ asked quietly and unsure.

'The baby would've been born with severe disabled, and after testing we were told it'd have no quietly of life.' Derek continued as Penelope wiped tear after tear away from her face. 'Beforehand we'd found out we were expecting a son but we had to make a decision and after discussing it we felt it would be a better idea to abort rather than make a child suffer. We see suffering too much in our job that we don't want to inflict that on our own child, but we found we weren't strong enough.'

'And it killed us rather than made us stronger. I let us destroy us; I didn't handle it as well as I thought. I changed and I made accusations before trusting Derek.' With that said Derek put his arm around Pen's shoulder and pulled her closer to him. 'I forced him to do what he has, and I selfish want it back.' She admitted and then just shrugged him. 'I'm sorry, I need some air.' She excused herself and everyone looked at her disappear and then turned their attention to Derek.

'There's more to it but she's kind of continually up and down. She's getting better but she's literally been just masking on the happy act to satisfy us all.'

'Why would she do that?'

'To deflect worry off herself, to keep out secret a secret.'

'Why wouldn't you tell us?'

'There wasn't anything to tell but loss and we didn't want that. At first we still had one another and after Pen got better physically the cracks began to show and we began to full apart on one another until it reached a point that I just walked out and then we just split our stuff and moved out of our house and into our own places.'

'And you met Clare?'

'Yeah then I met Clare and I thought she was my way to move forward but Pen's that, we both need each other to move on.'

'I'm gonna go check on her.' JJ said and left the same Penelope did, she found her in the garden, sitting down, just staring. 'Pen...' She called out to her and Penelope looked up and smiled a little. 'Hey, we're wondering where you went.'

'I just needed some air, I've said that story more in the last couple of days than I have in the last 1 year and a half.' Penelope told her and JJ sat down next to her. 'It's just still rawer than it should be.'

'You never let it out so you had no way to move on from this, it's accountable.' JJ told her understandingly, pulling her knee's up to her chest, ready to talk. 'If you wanna talk to about it, you know you can.'

'How can you not hate me, even if just a little bit, I didn't trust you enough to know.'

'We all need a secret for our own sanity.' JJ told her and smiled warmly.

'A lot of good it did me, I'm on anti depressants JJ, that's how well it did for my sanity.' Penelope confessed woefully. 'Most nights I have to take sleeping pills to help me through a night.'

'And what if you don't need them?'

'I just relive it all again. There's the moment I met Derek, the happier times and then I find out I'm pregnant, then I'm being told there's problems and then its after it all and its constant arguing with me and Derek.; Penelope looked up at JJ. 'I was so horrible to him JJ, I-I pushed him away with so many false insecurities.' JJ took Penelope's hands in hers and Penelope looked up to see JJ smiling at her, Emily coming out to join them. 'I thought he was cheating on me when we went out as a team, I accused him of doing that and all he ever did was stick by me and I repaid him with my depression and my insecurities.'

'But you've seen where you went wrong, something in you must have realised that for you to even go to the church that day.'

'I went for closure.'

'And got the truth at the end of it.' JJ told her comfortingly. 'Do you really think if you'd seen him marry her that'd you have got closure? Because I really can't see it PG, really I can't. You'd have just been staring at reality and what you'd lost.'

'It would've been a downward spiral from there on out.'

'And it would've destroy you both completely. So I don't think you have a thing to worry about because that man in there loves you, he literally screams it, always has but now its all over him, his face, his attitude, he's Derek again.' Penelope smiled at that.

'Come on Pen, lets get you back inside before we start a worry party.'

'Yeah I don't want that.'

'Didn't think so.' Emily joked and they all walked in. Derek immediately claiming Penelope in his arms and he was thankful that she'd come in happier and more at ease than she had left.

'You okay?'

'Much better now thanks.'

'It's too much of a burden to carry ourselves now princess; it was long overdue that they found out.' Penelope nodded and pulled apart and she smiled up at him, took his hand and then took him towards everyone.

'We never named our son.' Penelope broke the silence and everyone looked up at her. 'But we have now and we'd like you to be there when we get the name changed on his cross.' Penelope asked them warily, not knowing quite how they'd take the news. 'I want our family there.'

'And they will be.' Rossi spoke up and the rest agreed and Penelope fell into Derek side happily and he put his arm around her as she watched them all smile at her. She'd had the love and support she needed all along.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-


	10. Finalisation

Disclaimer: Once again I don't own Criminal Minds, I just steal it once in a while and give the viewers what they want... that is all =)

_**A/N:**_ I know it's been a while, I very long time in fact but I think I'm back, maybe, we'll see! =P

But for now, there you have it!! =)

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

As Derek slipped his arm around Penelope's shoulder he felt something in his life connect, that he'd found the place he was meant to be all along, the place that made him feel safe and secure, it was a place that he felt most loved away from his mom and sisters. That place would forever only be with Penelope and he wanted to stay there for as long as he could.

He'd seen her react and respond to her ever changing environment, as people came to comfort her and be here family, she'd found more love than she'd taken for granted. She realised that if she'd just let them in earlier she'd have been saved all the heartache. Derek being the same realised that a problem shared is a problem halved was the truth and although it hurt, it was now reality. He'd never felt stronger than he did with as he watched the little white cross be changed over.

The cross that had once just bared, _Baby Morgan, 13th April 2008, _now it read _James Morgan, 13__th__ April 20098, forever wanted, forever loved_. It spoke the truth and it was more personal and relatable than just a baby in the ground. Penelope had looked over some of the other crosses and her heart broke, some of the babies hadn't even been acknowledged as anyone's child, they were just babies that had died. She was ever more thankful that she'd taken the time to remind herself that she had a son. She didn't close that off with denial.

'What you thinking about baby?'

'How loved our son is.' She said quietly as her eyes traced over another forgotten child. 'All these people had babies and they lost them too but they don't seem to care, they just moved on and left them behind.'

'It's not fair I get it but not everyone's like we are.'

'Except they're all like us handsome.' She said taking his hand in hers. 'Don't you see? I'd have hated myself even more for just abandoning the memories we have, the scans of seeing him move, grow, of finding out he'd be our son, I can't just put them in the ground and I can't understand for the life of me how other people can.'

'Not everyone's empathetic as you baby girl. Some people can't hold onto memories, they just need to forget.'

'But the thing is, you never forget what you were so close to having and lost. That never leaves you, I know because I tried. God I tried so hard to forget it ever happened but the thing was I remember the day we found out and I still feel that happiness that hit me and I remember your face too, the first scan and everything stepped up a notched, I remember all that.' Penelope confessed to him, her voice even, she wasn't going to cry over the truth. 'The pain of losing him is never going to go but it's eclipsed by what I felt beforehand because I could dwell on loss or I can live on high of knowing I was going to be a mom.' Derek remained silent. 'I like living on the thought of being a mom, it just scares me of this happening again.'

'Scares the hell out of me too goddess but you know what?'

'What?' She asked looking up.

'You're never going to know unless you pick yourself up and try again. Hind sights amazing but it does nothing for the conscience and that's never good, so we need to live on the here and now and what we have. I wonder how many of these children's parents actually survived to get back to a point of loving one another. Get back to how we are now and I know it's all fresh and new but we made it back and we can move on properly and remember the past but live for the future.' He said and saw her smile. 'Our family is our future.'

'Good because I'm done with being stuck here, I want to move on, run ahead, whatever, I want progression.'

'And how do you want that progression?'

'Anyway possible as long as its with you.' She said and looked up, it was the first time she'd openly said it to him in that way. 'I want my life to be happy and full of hope, I don't want any dark corners to hard things in, I want that happiness we had before and so much more.'

'Well you'll be getting it because you wanna know another little secret?'

'Enlighten me hot stuff.'

'Man that just doesn't get better.' He commented at the nickname. 'My mom told me the other night that she's glad I met you.' He watched Penelope's widen slightly, her bottom lip drop enough for her to bit it nervously. 'You bring something out in me that no one else was able to. You bring out the real me, the life in me and I'll vouch for her on all that and this, you make me feel alive.'

Penelope smiled brightly at him for that. 'I'm glad I do gorgeous, I'm sorry for everything that happened back then, I'm sorry for being stuck in my own head so much so I became pessimistic and stubborn and argumentative.'

'Woman, shh, it's all said and forgiven, no more apologises for anything, we've worked over it, that's done and now all we can do is move on together and make an example that whatever happened in our past doesn't have to destroy everything, it just makes it better.'

'You'll forever be my voice of reason, which might sound hypocritical but you've helped me more since that day at the church than ever and I'll never forget.' She stood on tip toes and kissed his lips gently before pulling away. 'I love you.'

Derek beamed then. 'I love you too baby girl.' He said and hugged her close to him, they were alone at that moment in the cemetery, the others waiting by the cars and he wanted to just stay where he was with her in his arms.

'Couldn't jump in my grave quick enough I see.' Came a new voice, a small smile on her lips. 'I couldn't help the joke there, seemed appropriate seeing where we are and you shacking up with my ex.'

Penelope pulled away to look at Claire in the face. 'It's not what it looks like.'

'You come and ruin my wedding and then get with Derek, seems you devised a nice little plan there Penelope, just couldn't help but spread the feeling of being the only shrew around eh?'

'No, it's not like that.'

'Claire, don't start.' Derek stepped in to defend Penelope.

'No Derek, let me handle this.' Penelope said with a slight aggression to her tone. 'I know it might seem like I stole Derek from you but I bet Derek never told you why we broke up did he? Why we're like we are now?'

'No he didn't.'

'Well the cross there, 6th in this row will tell you why.'

Claire gasped, she knew what this part of the cemetery was. 'You two didn't lose a baby.'

'Oh we did and for a year and a half I kept it to myself, allowed Derek to move on and in a way I was glad he found someone that made him happy, that made him forget but things left unspoken don't just disappear, they grow.'

'Did you have to do it on my wedding day?'

'I didn't go to do that, I went to move on myself, to realise what I'd lost.'

'You'd never lost him though.' Claire's flashed from Penelope, to the cross to Derek. 'You should've never given up and come with me, Derek I'll forever love you but a part of me wanted to believe that you weren't just using me.'

'I wasn't just using you I did love you.'

'But it would never have been the same as the way you love Penelope would it? I would've been second best and received second rate.' Claire approached them then. 'Why didn't you tell anyone?'

'Because it ruined us, we didn't want people to feel the loss we did.'

'And now?'

'I'll be forever sorry for it coming out like this.' Penelope admitted to her and she looked into Claire's eye. 'You're a good person Claire and I never wanted to ruin anyone's life.'

'I reckon you didn't.' Claire told them. 'I just needed to come and see the real reason why you two messed up on one another and it's a good reason I gotta tell you that, one that won't keep me livid but if you mess it up again I won't forgive you so easily.'

'Is this like a blessing?'

'No this is me telling you that I have no hard feelings and that Penelope, I'll forever be your friend and yours Derek. I just wished the truth had come out before all this.'

'I think everyone does.' Penelope said and then took a look at the cross. 'Things could've been different now but there's no changing it, what's done is done and we can only go on from it.'

'Which I hope you're doing?'

'Was the plan.' Derek said with a brighter smile, he'd been waiting for Claire to confront them, in a manner of speaking she had but he hadn't thought it'd have been like this, she was more understanding than he'd given credit and again he realised that both he and Penelope had misread everyone but not anymore, they all knew and that was the real beginning.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-


	11. Getting There

Disclaimer: Once again I don't own Criminal Minds, I just steal it once in a while and give the viewers what they want... that is all =)

_**A/N:**_ Again a while I know!! Expansion on party life (=P) and well I've had a lot, well a lot for me, of assignments due in for Uni so they've taken over!! Apart from that and sheer laziness beginning to take part as the sun begins to come out, updates have been focused!! BUT here's this one!! =)

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

It might have taken them longer than expected and the roughest ride ever but Derek and Penelope had resumed life as a partnership, not two spiralling separates that metaphorically cried for one another.

Now Derek was going home to his wife of 2 years. Still that hadn't settled in with him, Penelope had taken her time but had from the word go expressed her unadulterated love she still held for him and he knew it was no lie, he had the same feeling for her. After 5 months of on the slow they moved in with one another, after another 5 months they were engaged and now here they were. He pushed his way into the house, it was late and he didn't expect her up. He went through the house; locking it up as he went, setting the alarm he headed upstairs, pushing the bedroom door open he saw Penelope asleep, her back to him.

He crossed the room, quietly making it to his side nearest the door and watched her breathing rhythmically. He took his clothes off and grabbed his trousers from under the pillow and slipped into them, as he finished Penelope turned and he looked, seeing her still asleep, his eyes roamed.

Smiling satisfied he looked at her stomach, it was getting big now and so should it be. He looked at Penelope, radiating with pregnancy beauty. He still couldn't believe it that his wife was over 8 months pregnant with the babies that the doctor repeatedly could 'perfectly healthy'. The 2 words that were like music to their ears, especially Penelope's. In a few short weeks he was going to be a father to twins, one a boy and the other a girl. The little boy, they'd taken as a sign, was to them their second chance at having another baby, twins made it promising.

He climbed onto the bed completely shattered and Penelope instinctively moved, she snuggled into him immediately in her sleep and he held her tightly.

'Your kids are keeping me up handsome.' Penelope groaned sleepily into chest. 'I need sleep.'

Derek smiled, laughed a literally and put his hand on her stomach. He slowly began to rub circles into it and he felt Penelope relax some. 'Better?'

'Definitely.' She said quietly and saw her briefly became healthy and rhythmic. Derek learnt forward gentle and kissed her stomach.

'Night night you two.' He whispered and as he laid back he kissed Penelope's forehead, he then let her mould herself to him and when she had stilled for a bit he put his hand on her stomach and let the sleep he needed to take him over.

Waking up he saw that Penelope's side of the bed was empty, he rolled onto his side when he heard a muttered swear word, pulling himself from the comfortable spot he went in search of Pen. Walking into the bathroom he found her sitting against the wall around their bath tub.

'Morning hot stuff.' She said tiredly and continued to rub her hand over her stomach, while the other stayed on her back. 'What you doing up?' She said like nothing was wrong, she knew he'd frozen when he'd seen her, he knew what was happening. She looked up biting her lip, breathing heavily as a contraction began to seep back in. 'It's early.' She said and groaned.

'Woman why didn't you wake me.' He said as she breathed out and looked at him.

'Because I just needed to go to the loo and instead my waters broke and now I'm here scared to move.' She let him get her up and help her into the bedroom. 'Your mom said it'd be early.' She said as she knew she had time to relax until the next contraction, she just watched as Derek began to grab things, plopping the readied go bag on the bed he began to find Pen's clothes. 'Dress, 2nd one in the wardrobe will do handsome.'

'How are you so calm?'

'I've had signs this is coming for the last couple of days, realisation only came when my waters broke.'

He nodded and helped her get her vest top off and then helped her into the dress. 'So how long have you been in that bathroom?'

'About 2 hours.' She told him coolly, her expression calm, her mind really rallying around.

'Pen...' He warned with a slight growl. 'Damn you and your hard headedness.'

'No, you were sleep, it's been a long week and I'm not gonna give birth right now.'

'And you know that for sure do you?' He said with an eyebrow raised. 'Think you can ring Hotch and tell him why I won't be in to fill in paperwork while I get dressed.'

'You got it my chocolate God.' She said and reached for the phone while Derek raced around, she just casually put in the Hotchner's number and let it ring. 'Hey boss man.' She said and as the words slipped out she felt a contraction coming on. 'We won't be able to make it in.' The pain exploded then and she had to bend forward and let out a groan to help her. 'Sorry Charlie Brown, I'm in labour.'

'You're in labour!' Derek heard Hotch yell through the receiver.

'Yeah well and truly making the next generation of BAU finest debut.' She said with pain still in her voice but everything else subsiding. 'No paperwork for Derek today it seems.' She joked and watched as he finished pulling a top on. 'I think this is my cue to go.' She told Hotch and said bye before looking at Derek. 'It's too slow at the moment.'

'Na uh baby girl, you're pregnant with twins, doc said as soon as you start to get you in.' He said and Penelope found herself up and out of the house and into the SUV, getting to the hospital everything was a rush and for the next few hours Penelope was a blur, Derek's was lived in a worry bubble.

He was more than a proud dad come the next day as Penelope continued to rest, his worry had escalated when the delivery got difficult and she was rushed in for a c-section, but as soon as he heard his son cry, followed by his daughter his worry slipped slightly, then when he saw Penelope resting he knew everything was going to be okay.

Now he sat here with his son in his arms and as he traced the features he had to wonder one thing and that was whether or not his first son would've looked like this. He liked to think so. Penelope was holding their daughter and she was overwhelmed, she never thought she could feel more than complete in her entire life. Both Pen and Derek had thought that their ultimate fulfilment would come when they said 'I do' and it had until this day when they sat as a family.

The team had already had introductions and now they were waiting upon the arrival of the rest of the Morgan women to introduce Alexander and Ellie Morgan to, they needed to meet the pair that had healed long waiting wounds.

Penelope and Derek knew that both these children would be more loved than ever due to the loss that their parents had gone through in the past and that wasn't a bad thing. In the end it had built them up to be better parents.

And until that day both Derek and Penelope knew that true love never died and theirs certainly wouldn't.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-THE END!!-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

_**A/N:**_ So there you have guyyyys!! The end! All over with and a nice happy Happily Ever After! =)

Hope you enjoyed!!

Thanks for all the reviews and thanks to whoever read!! =)


End file.
